New jokes in market
Husband: I found Aladin’s lamp today.
Wife: wow, what did u ask for darling??
Husband: I asked him to increase your brain ten times..
Wife: oh..jaan..luv u so much.. Did he do that??
Husband: He laughed and said multiplication doesn’t apply on zero.
Ek Aadmi ne conductor se pucha: Aap kitne ghante bus me rehte ho ?
Conductor: 24 hours.
Aadmi: Wo kaise?
Conductor: 8 ghante city bus me, Baaki 16 ghante biwi ke “BASME”.!
Employee: Sir You are like a lion in the office! What about at home??
Boss: I am a lion at home too, But Goddess Durga sits on the lion there !
A man gifted his wife a diamond necklace for their anniversary and wife didn’t speak to him for 6 months.
Was the necklace FAKE?
Nooooo! That was the deal
A couple was having dinner at a fancy restaurant. As the food was served, the husband said, “the food looks delicious, let’s eat.”
Wife: honey…..you say prayer before eating at home.
Husband: that’s at home sweetheart……here the chef knows how to cook.
Best Slogan on a MAN’s T-Shirt :
“Please Do Not Disturb me,
I am Married and already very Disturbed”
Bhakt: Swami ji, aisi Patni ko kya kahte hai jo Gori ho, Lambi ho, ho, Inteligent ho, Pati ko samjhe, Or kabhi jhagda n kare?
Swami: Mann ka Vaham kahte hain Beta, Mann ka Vaham!!!!
Shortest Joke !
Santa: meri biwi jawaan hai.
Banta: toh border pe bhej de
एक बाबा किसी महफ़िल में गए ।
वहाँ सब उनका मजाक़ उड़ाने लगे ।
बाबा ने कहा- देखो हम फ़क़ीर लोग हैं
ना उडाएं ।
लोग खूब हँसे ।
अचानक उन सब लोगों को दिखना बंद
हो गया ।
वो अंधे हो गए ।
वो सब बाबा के क़दमो में गिर गए,
बोले बाबाजी हमें
कर दो ।
बाबा जी ने जूता उतारा
और सबको एक एक मारा और
बोले- कमीनों लाइट
चली गई कोई जनरेटर ओन करो मुझे
भी नहीं दिखाई दे
Husband : mere relatives ghar aa rahe hain, kuch bana lo…
AGYAKARI Wife ne
muh bana liya
Cute Teacher to students : Jo bacha 20 tak counting sunaega use main ek pappi dungi.
Ek bacha : Madam 100 tak aati hai aap scheme poori batao.
Teacher- Kya 4 ladkiya ek stool par
mazese baith sakate hai..?
Teacher- Woh kaise..?
Pappu- Stool ulta karke
केलेवाला- केले लेलो ..केले
महिला- WOW गांडफाडू
भैया दो गांडफाडू केले देना
महिला- कितना हुआ भैया
केलेवाला – 5000 रूपये
महिला – क्या ???
केलेवाला – हाहाहाहाहा
फट गई ना गांड ……!!!!!!!
Main tumhe shaadi ki 10th anniversary par
ANDAMAN NICOBAR ISLANDS lekar jaaunga..
Sach! Aur 25th par ?
A couple were having sex in punjab…. Suddenly, the ceiling fan starts rotating.
Husband : Bhen Chood Light Aa Gayi, Pehle Main Apna Phone Charge Kar Lavva !!
Wife : Haan… Main Bhi pehla Motor Chala Ke Paani Bhar Lavva !
Eh kanjarkhana taa baad vich vi ho jayega.
A little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is working, and asks him, “Daddy, what’s Sex?”
“OK,” he thinks, “this day was bound to come, and I’m not going to let my little princess learn about sex from the streets.”
So, he sits her down, and tells her all about the birds and the bees. He tells her about conception, sexual intercourse, sperms and eggs. He tells her about puberty, menstruation, erections, and wet dreams.
Then she asks, “Daddy, what is ‘A Couple’?”
And he carries on, “A couple are the two people involved in sex, but this can also be two males or two females which we call homosexual,” and he goes on to describe masturbation, oral sex, group sex, pornography, bondage and rape, pedophilia, etc…
The father finally asks, “So why did you want to know about ‘a couple’ and ‘Sex’?”
“Oh, mummy said lunch would be ready in a couple of secs…”