Whatsapp Jokes

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Alia Bhatt – whatsapp jokes

Alia bhatt writing medical entrance exam… gives definitions as follows :

*Antibody : Against everybody
*Artery : Study of fine paintings
*Genes : Blue denims
*Labour pain : Hurt at work
*Liposuction : French kiss
*Microbes : Small dressing gowns
*Cardiology : Advanced study of playing cards
*Cat scan : Searching lost cat
*Coma : Punctuation mark
*Bacteria : Back door to cafeteria

Population control system in Bihar……

HUM
DO
HAMAARE
DO

Uske baad jitne ho,

Ludhiana bhej do….
Who are lizards?
Awesome answer
by a kid….
They are
those poor crocodiles who forgot to have
Horlicks when they were young

What is a Pizza..?
Awesome answer:
A Pizza.. is just a Paratha that went
abroad
for higher education !

What is the similarity between Media And
Wife ?
Jab tak ek hi baat 100 baar na bata de,
dono ke dil ko sukoon hi nahi milta…

What’s the best example of “once in a
lifetime opportunity?
A mosquito sitting on your wife’s face.:

Ladkiyon ki aadhi zindagi husband ki
“Talash” me.. Aur baki aadhi.. Husband ki
“Talaashi” mein guzar jati hai..

Aaj ka SUVICHAR ….

“BADAAM khaane se utni
Akkal nahi aati” …
“Jitni shadi ke bad
Aati hai… ”

Kashmir aur wife mein kya samanta hai-
Ans. Waise to dono hi samasya hai… par
padosi nazar daale to gussa aata hai…

Husband wife jokes – whatsapp jokes

A man got a call from unknown number..
Girl:”Hi, r u single.. ??
Man:”Yes, but who r u.. ??
Ans:”Your wife..
Aaj ghar aana tab bataoogi..

Another call from unknown number..
Girl:”R u married.. ??
Man:”Yes, but who R u.. ??
Girl:”Your girlfriend, U cheat..
Man:”Sorry baby, I thought it was my wife..
Ans:”Wife hi hoon kutte, aaj tu bas ghar aaja.

Childhood friendship – whatsapp jokes

दो बचपन के दोस्त बहुत सालों बाद मिले….
पहला दोस्त -: “कितने बच्चे हैं…??”
दूसरा दोस्त -: “मेरे 4 लड़के हैं..!!” .
पहला दोस्त -: “क्या करते हैं…??”
दूसरा दोस्त -: “पहला MBA.. दूसरा MCA..
तीसरा M.TECH.. और चौथा चोर है..”
पहला दोस्त -: “तो फिर चोर को घर से निकालते
क्यों नही….?”
दूसरा दोस्त -:”वही तो कमाता है… बाकी सब
तो ‘बेरोजगार’ हैं …

2 funny jokes – whatsapp jokes

Pathan ke 3 bachche hue…. Naam rakha…

1) Hasrat Khan 2) Harkat Khan 3) Barkat Khan

Phir 3 bachche hue Naam rakha…
1) Dariya Khan 2) Samandar Khan 3) Sailaab Khan

Phir 3 bachche hue Naam rakha…
1) Himmat Khan 2) Housla Khan 3) Bardasht Khan

Phir 3 bachche hue… . . ..
Is baar biwi ne naam rakha…
1) Bas Kar Khan 2) Sharam Kar Khan 3) Reham Kar Khan..

In a “Mental Hospital” a journalist asks the Doctor: “How do u determine whether to admit a mental patient or not?”

Dr: “Well… we’d fill a bathtub with water & then give

a teaspoon,

a glass &

a bucket

to the patient & ask them to empty the bathtub.”

Journalist: “Oh, obviously a normal person would use the bucket coz its bigger.”

Dr: “No, a normal person would pull the drain plug!

Please go to bed No.39. We will start further investigations on you!”

………………………………………

You also thought of the bucket, didn’t you?? Please go to bed No. 40 !

Forward quickly… There are still some beds available !!!

Boys boys – whatsapp jokes

I called one of my friend three times today but hi didn’t pick d call.
I sent him the following msg:
‘Bhai shaam ko daaru pila raha hu, free h kya..??’
Now; he has called me eighteen times and i am not picking the phone…!!!

IT industry work pressure – whatsapp jokes

WORK PRESSURE…

Once I was flashing my ID card instead of unlocking the house door with keys..

Me and my friends went out for dinner in one of the best restaurants . And as I finished..
I started walking towards the wash basin with Plates in my hand..

Once I was on call with my father and mom was not around. I went on to ask, “Why is she not attending the weekly status call?”

I don’t login to facebook, youtube, etc.. at my personal internet connection at home… thinking it will be blocked any way. Till I realize – I am at home.

Once after talking to one of my friends
I ended the conversation saying, “Ok bye…in case of any issues will call u back

Sometimes when I mistakenly delete a message from my mobile, I hope for a second, maybe it’s in the recycle bin !

Once I went to a pharmacy n asked for a tab….pharmacist asked whether I want 250mg or 500mg….. I replied 256mb….thank god he

And I – after a hectic week, went to a movie. In the middle of the movie, when I wanted to check the time, I kept repeatedly glancing at the bottom right corner of the Theatre Screen…

So avoid working so hard !
Have a great work-life balance..
Lastly……
Height Of Work Pressure:

An Employee Opens His Tiffin Box On The Road Side To See,Whether He Is Going To office, Or Coming Back From office.

Dr jokes – whatsapp jokes

Doctor to female patient :- U r looking so weak & exhausted… R u taking 3 meals a day as I had advised u ?

Female patient :- “Uski maa ka.“.. Your compounder typed 3 Males a day.!

Funny facebook status – whatsapp jokes

A Girl’s facebook status:

“Today I travelled in Bus after long time.”

Comments On Facebook by Male friends with 70 likes:

1. Awww, so sweet..!!!
2. Maybe nextime will go together sweetie…!!!
3. Wow, I want to experience it..!!!
4. You went without me..?
5. Wonderful dear..!!!
6. Superlike..
7. Be safe in bus ha…!!!!

A Boy’s Facebook status:

“Today I travelled in Bus after a long time..”

Comments left by same Male friends with one like…

1. Haan toh saale hum kya kare..?
2. Bus yahi teri aukat hai.!!
3. Kamine ab auto mein bhi jaiga toh status update karega kya..?
4. Baap ko bol kam se kam cycle lekar de..!
5. Usi bus ka conductor bun ja kutte.

And the best one is…

6. Ticket kharida ki nahi bhikhari?

Girl Uploads a pic with her dog: Meet my dog Punu…

Boy1: Aww punu is cho cute.

Boy2: bahut pyaala dogu hai !

Boy3: haaye, kaash hum kutte hote…

Boy Uploads a pic with his dog: Meet my dog
Punu…

Boy1- Bhai Inme se kutta kaun hai?

Boy2- Akhir mein tera baap mil hi gaya…

Boy3- khud ke khaane ka thikana nahi kutta paalne chala….

Husband wife – whatsapp jokes

Shaadi-shuda Aurto ka seminar
chal raha tha.
.
.
Unse puchha gaya,
Aapne apne Husband
ko
‘I Love You’
last kab bola hai?
.
.
Kisi ne kaha aaj,
.
kisi ne kaha 2 din pehle
.
Aur
.
Kisi ne kaha 10 din pehle.
.
.
Fir unse kaha gaya k sab Patniya
apne pati ko Mobile se
‘I Love You’ Message karo abhi,
.
Jiska sabse accha reply aayega
usay
Surprise Gift
Milega…
.
.
Sab wives ne ‘I Love You’ msg kar
diya aur
.
Kuchh der baad Husbands k Reply
kuchh iss tarah aaye…
.
.
1) Darling, tumhari tabiyat to
theek hai na?
.
.
2) Ghar kharcha khatam ho gaya
hai kya ???
.
.
3) Kahin tum Maiyke to nahin
chali gayi ???
.
.
4) Aaj ghar pe khana nahin bana
hai kya ???
.
.
5) Kya Matlab ???
.
.
6) Tum Sapne mein ho ya main
sapna dekh raha hoon?
.
.
7) Kity party mein kisi ki Jewellery
pasand aa gayi hai kya???
.
.
8) Office mein itna tension hai
aur tujhe Romance sujh raha
hai ???
.
.
9) Kitni baar mana kiya Serial mat
dekha kar..!!
.
.
10) Aaj fir gaadi thok-ke aayi
kya????
.
.
Finally jisko Surprise Gift
Mila uska khatarnak reply ye
tha….
.
. . .
11) Kaun ???

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