Whatsapp Jokes

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Husband wife jokes – whatsapp jokes

Husband’s Message (by cellphone):

Honey, I got hit by a car outside of the office. Teena brought me to the
Hospital. They have been making tests and taking X-rays. The blow to my head
though very strong, will not have any serious or lasting injury. But, I have
three broken ribs, a broken arm, a compound fracture in the left leg, and
they may have to amputate the right foot.

Wife’s Response:

Who is Teena?

Bits girls jokes – whatsapp jokes

Solid insult

In a disco

boy-would u like 2 dance
wid me? ????

girl (nakhre se) – main bacche ke saath nhi nachti….. .

boy-oh sorry i didn’t know u r pregnant…

Santa banta jokes

संता के हाथ में नया फोन देखकर
बंता बोला:- “नया फोन कब
ख़रीदा?”
संता:-” नया नहीं, गर्लफ्रेंड का है।”
बंता:-”गर्लफ्रेंड का फोन क्यों ले
आया?”
संता:-” रोज कहती थी, मेरा फोन
नहीं उठाते! आज मौका मिला, उठा
लाया.

Joke ka baap…..

Ek Baar Santa Ne Socha, Bhagwan Ki Toh Sab Puja Karte Hain,
Kyu Na Mai Ravan Ki Puja Karu.?
Ho sakta hai wo free ho aur meri wishes puri karde.
He prayed for 1 year…
After 1 year,
Raavan uske samne aaya…

Ravan: Vats mai tumse khush hua… 3 vardaan maang lo…
Santa: Nahi mujhe 100 vardan chahiye.
Raavan: Vats mai kewal 3 de sakta hu..,lena hai toh le nahi toh maaa chuda.

Santa: (ek minute sochkar) aacha aapke hath mei jo gada hai vo danda ban jaye.

Raavan: Tauhastu, ab dusri wish bolo?

Santa: Is dande ko apni gand mei daal lo, andar tak…

Raavan: (confused) Tathastu, aab jaldi se tisri mang bhenchod bahut dard ho raha hai…

Santa: Smiles & says, bhosdi ke, ab bol baki 97 wishes dega ya fir is dande ko andar hi ‘Gada’ banwa du..

Raavan: Maang le madarchod, aaj tera din hai bhen ke laude, kal mera ayga…..

Santa jb b kapde dhota, tb hi barish ho jati.

1 din dhup nikli to usne shukr kiya aur dukan pe surf lene gya,

wo jese he dukan pr gya badal zor-zor se garazne lage,
.
Santa fatafat asmaan ki traf muh krke bola
.
Kya???
kidhar???
.
Main to biscuit lene aya hoon.,
kasam se…

Husband wife jokes – whatsapp jokes

A guy wrote on his facebook status… “wife chahiye ”

2 girls liked it and 140 men commented “meri le jaa”

Guy wrote back “kameenon maang nahin raha… poochh raha hoon”

Husband wife jokes – whatsapp jokes

This is ultimate….
A cop stops a drunk sardar and says ‘how high are you?’

Sardar replies: That is wrong english. You should say ‘Hi how are you?

Wife – suno na….
Husband – Listen, i am very tensed,
office me bahut problems chal rahe hai, kal loan bharne ka bhi last day hai….
isi liye Baat karne ka bhi mood nahi hai,
sir bhi dard se phata ja raha hai,
Subah se maine kuch bhi nahi khaya hai..

Wife – hmmm !!! Acha abhi wo sab chhodo, ye dekho, Meri new chappal …

Height of confidence – whatsapp jokes

Height of Confidence :
.
Son : school nai jaunga !
.
Mom – kyu ?
.
Son : job karunga.
.
Mom – class 1 pad ke kya job
karega nalayak !!
.
Son : KG ki ladkiyo ko tution
padhaunga
.
Always be confident

Funny adult jokes – whatsapp jokes

Customer – My wife needs a pair of Jeans…but I dont remember her waist size.

Sales girl – touch my waist n try to calculate…

Customer – Oh I forgot – she needs Bra also……

Latest husband wife jokes – whatsapp jokes

New jokes in market

Husband: I found Aladin’s lamp today.

Wife: wow, what did u ask for darling??

Husband: I asked him to increase your brain ten times..

Wife: oh..jaan..luv u so much.. Did he do that??

Husband: He laughed and said multiplication doesn’t apply on zero.

Ek Aadmi ne conductor se pucha: Aap kitne ghante bus me rehte ho ?

Conductor: 24 hours.

Aadmi: Wo kaise?

Conductor: 8 ghante city bus me, Baaki 16 ghante biwi ke “BASME”.!

Employee: Sir You are like a lion in the office! What about at home??

Boss: I am a lion at home too, But Goddess Durga sits on the lion there !

A man gifted his wife a diamond necklace for their anniversary and wife didn’t speak to him for 6 months.

Was the necklace FAKE?

Nooooo! That was the deal :)

A couple was having dinner at a fancy restaurant. As the food was served, the husband said, “the food looks delicious, let’s eat.”

Wife: honey…..you say prayer before eating at home.

Husband: that’s at home sweetheart……here the chef knows how to cook.

Best Slogan on a MAN’s T-Shirt :

“Please Do Not Disturb me,
I am Married and already very Disturbed”

Bhakt: Swami ji, aisi Patni ko kya kahte hai jo Gori ho, Lambi ho, ho, Inteligent ho, Pati ko samjhe, Or kabhi jhagda n kare?

Swami: Mann ka Vaham kahte hain Beta, Mann ka Vaham!!!!

Shortest Joke !
Santa: meri biwi jawaan hai.
Banta: toh border pe bhej de

Indian baba and public – whatsapp jokes

एक बाबा किसी महफ़िल में गए ।
वहाँ सब उनका मजाक़ उड़ाने लगे ।
बाबा ने कहा- देखो हम फ़क़ीर लोग हैं
हमारा मजाक़
ना उडाएं ।
लोग खूब हँसे ।
अचानक उन सब लोगों को दिखना बंद
हो गया ।
वो अंधे हो गए ।
वो सब बाबा के क़दमो में गिर गए,
बोले बाबाजी हमें
माफ़
कर दो ।
बाबा जी ने जूता उतारा
और सबको एक एक मारा और
बोले- कमीनों लाइट
चली गई कोई जनरेटर ओन करो मुझे
भी नहीं दिखाई दे
रहा ।

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