Husband : mere relatives ghar aa rahe hain, kuch bana lo…
Wife ne muh bana liya
TEACHER-Kabir ka koi doha sunao!
LITTLE MARWADI child-
“Kabiro salo bawro,
Doha diyo banaye,
Khud to saalo khisak gayo,
Manne diyo fassay.”
Teacher: Who was Akbar ? Boy: Akbar was Gay. Teacher:- What, Are you mad ? Why did you say that? …Boy:- We have heard Laila – Majnu , Heer -Ranjha , Soni- Mahival ,Romeo-Juliet But Only Akbar – Birbal !
What is PYAAR ?
sitting in a BAR
with bottles in hand and saying–
Santa: Ye bata ki duniya mein kitne desh hai?
Kar di na pagalo wali baat,
duniya me keval ek hi desh hai INDIA!,
baaki sab to videsh hai!
Santa to Banta:
Yaar koi aisa valentine gift bataa jo seedha teri bhabi ke dil per lage..
Banta: Goli mar de !
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator says “Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says “OK, now what?”
1. Angel Eyes – call her this name and she’ll either think you’re lying or you’ll get some action faster than a pit bull on a t-bone.
2. Baby Doll – is a class girlfriend name so call her this all you want even if she is the kind who will out chug you in beer and pull a monster truck over your face on occasion.
3. Bubble Butt – is one of those names you never, and I mean never call your girlfriend since this will end it all, and there will be no chance in getting back with her even for a drunken 2 am booty call.
4. Cuddle Bug – is one that most girlfriends will respond well to and will be an invitation for making out on the couch.
5. Cutie Pie – is another classic that will not get you in trouble.
6. Darling – is a standard that one should adopt in lieu of trying out other experimental girlfriend names like “She-Bitch from Hell” or “Carnation Instant Bitch”.
7. Doll Face – is an endearing name that guys would do well to adopt.
8. Dummy – girlfriends don’t respond well to this name just like they don’t respond well to the 3 Stooges. Use this if you want to lose her.
9. Dumpling – is one of those tricky cute names to call your girlfriend since guys will thinks it’s fine, but females will think you’re making a comment about their weight.
10. Fruit Loop – may sound innocent at first, but the more you call her this, the more she’ll take it that you think she’s mentally unstable.
11. Gorgeous – most girlfriends will not only be Okay with this, they will not be able to get enough of this.
12. Goobers – do you really want to go there?
13. Honey Bunch – is a name that is sugary but not too much so and can be used on occasion especially at breakfast time.
14. Kitten – some girlfriends will adore this name while other will recoil. It’s a judgment call here so if the shoe fits wear it.
15. Lamb Chop – at first glance seems fine, but when you think about it you’re comparing your girlfriend to the slaughtering of an innocent little animal. Might as well shoot Bambi while you’re at it.
16. Lover Girl – is a decent cute name to call a girlfriend and isn’t too sugary to make most recoil.
17. Love Lumps – if you don’t want hot soup poured all over your lap then don’t use this one.
18. Main Squeeze – this is generally considered a cute name for a girlfriend although you could be unconsciously calling her a Cold Frosty.
19. Monkey Butt – if you know what is good for you, put this one on the shelf and only tell it to your therapist.
20. Sexyness – this one should be reserved for private occasions like a Valentine’s Day dinner or her birthday. If you use this you know you’ll be getting some later.
Ek Sadhu se ek bhakt ne Pucha-
Aap Hamesha Zameen Pe Kyu Bethtey Ho ?
Sadhu Ne Bahut Khubsurat Jawab Diya-
“Tujhe Koi Taqleef Hai madarchod ??????
Class me padhte hue MADAM ke
BLOUSE ke 2 button khul gaye,
Yeh dekh kar 2 LADKE hasne lage
Is par MADAM boli:c
“Chup hote ho ya nikalu bahar dono
Girl: tumhe chutkule pasand h?
Boy: no, mujhe chut aur kulle pasand h.
Wife-apne mere boobs chus-chus kr bade kr diye.
Pati-esa hota to mera lund mere ghutne tk pahunch gya hota.
Aur muje condom ki jagah cycle ka tube lagana padta.
Chuha ped pe chad gaya,
Monkey:ped pe kyu aaya?
Chuha:are chiku khane aya hu yaar.
Monkey:chodu ye toh aam ka ped hai.
Chuha:zindagi me ek baat yad rakhna bhosdike, majdoor ko khodna or baap ko chodna mat sikhana.
Me chiku sath laya hu chutiye
Sex Karte Waqt Ladki Ko Hichki Aayi.
Ladka: Kya Hua, maine bahut zor se dala kya?
Ladki: Nahi re Chutiye, Jaldi Kar, Aur Bhi Log Yaad Kar rahe hai.
Husband Wife Sex Kar rahe The.
Kisi Ne Bell Bajayi. Aadmi Ne 5 Mints Baad Darwaza Khola.
Dost bola- Der Kyo Laga Di ?
Aadmi- Hum Log Chatni Koot Rahe The.
Shararati Dost- Bhabhi Hume Bhi Chatni Chataao
Hoshiyar Bhabhi- Maine To Bartan Dho Liya Hai,
Kutne waale Dande Par Lagi Hogi, Chat Lo.
Suhagrat k baad, Pati apni Patni se-Are Khoon to nikla hi nhi. .
Patni- Kyu .., tune andar koi teer mara tha kya?
Kid to father : papa mai kaise paida hua ?
Father : beta ek badi si chidiya tumhe hamare paas chor gai,
Kid : aur aap kaise hue..
Father : Mai aapke dada ji ko nadi me behta mila
Kid : aur dadaji
Father : wo apne papa ko mandir me mile
Kid : bhen ke laudo, 3 generation se choot nahi maari kisi ne, par baatein jitni marzi chudwalo inse.
Lady to sweeper:
Bhaiya, Hamari naali ka paani kaise nikaloge ?
Sweeper: BB G, Aapki naali me bus DANDA dalne ki der hai,
Pani toh mai 2 minute me nikal dunga
A dick has a sad life. His hair’s a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor’s an asshole, his bestfriend’s a pussy, and his owner beats him.
Dr.:- Aapke 3 daant kaise tut
Sardar:- Ji wo wife ne kadak roti banai thi.
Dr.:- To khane se mana kar dete.
Sardar:- Ji wo hi to kiya tha…
Pappu ne “Live Radio Station” call ki : Hello.. ji ye Radio station hai ?
RJ: ji Haan
Pappu: Meri awaaz pura shehar sun raha hai ?
Pappu: Yani ghar mein jo meri behan Radio sunn rahi hai.. wo Bhi sun rahi hogi..?
R.J (Ghusse me) : Haaan bai haan
Pappu: Hello reshma Agar meri aawaz sun rahi hai.. toh jaldi se Motor chala de…!
Main uper chhat par.. Toilet mein huu aur Paani khatam ho gaya hai aur tera phone switch off aa rha hai…!!!!
Teacher: Pappu batao, yeh sign (%) tumne kaha dekha…….
Awsme answer by Pappu:Teacher ji, jab car me ladkiya sit belt pehnti hain Tab
10 Doctors, 5 Engineers aur 1 Teacher helicopter ki rassi pe latke hue the.
Pilot – Weight zyadaa hai, 1 Aadmi ko rassi choddni padegi!
Teacher – “Ye Qurbani hum denge kyunki hum teacher hain! Bajao taaliyaan!”
Sabhi Doctors aur Engineers taaliyaan bajaane lage!
Weight khud hi kam ho gaya!
MORAL: Doctor. bano ya Engineer, GURU toh aakhir GURU hi hota hai.
Ladkiyon SE kyaD0STI karna, Jo PAL bhar mein CHH0D jati HAI,Dosti KARNI hai to LADK0 seKAR0, Jo MARNE keBAAD bhi KANDHEpe LE jate HAI.Plz SEND all B0YS……
Awarded Double Meaning Joke:
Lady to Rikshawala “…under tak jaayega?”
rikshawalla “bilkul jaayega madam, aapke liye toh khada kiya hai.”
lady “thik hai toh..ghumake phicche se le lo….”
Dudhwala Continuously Ringing Door Bell.
Lady from Inside:
Bhaiya kitna Dabaoge
Ab bas bhi karo.
Tumse accha To Paperwala hai;
Chupchap Neeche se Daal Deta hai
Most confusing double meaning joke.
Girl: Aaj office jate hi boss mujpe chad gaya!
Friend : Q???
Girl: Main “late gayi” thi..
1st frnd to 2 Friend’
“Lay mithai kha!”
2nd Friend: Kis baat ki?
Teri Bhabhi call centre me job karti hai,
aur usko Best “CALL GIRL” ka Award mila hay!
Ek dhaba Mein …
PATI Ne ek BANANA SHAKE
& PATNI Ne do Mosambi juice piya.
Counter Pe Payment K Time
Waiter Ne Aawaz Di:
Bhaiya Ka 1 Kela ,
Aur Bhabhi Ka do Mosambi Kaat lena.
Simran to Doctor :
Maine galti se meri Bhabhi ki iPill kha li,
Dr: Bindaas ghoomo
Dosto ko khush karo,
72 ghanto k liye
Prepaid ho gayi ho
Jaa simran Jaa..
Jee le apni zindagi..
Ek baar ek bhikari main bhoot ghus gaya,
Agle din bhoot bhawan se prarthana karne laga,
mujhe bahar nikalo warna main bhookha mar jaaunga…
Gawaar: Ye Tv Kitne Ka Hai.
Salesman- Hum Gawaaro KoKoi Chiz Nahi Bechte..
Gawaar After 1 Month clean Shave & hair cut:
Ye Tv Kitne Ka Hai..?
Salesman: Hum Gawaaron ko Koi Chiz Nahi Bechte..
Gawaar After 1 Month Full angrez
banke: WHAT’S D
COST OF THAT TV??
Salesman: Hum Gawaaron ko Koi
Chiz Naahi Bechte..
Gawaarr Gusse Me: Tujhe Kaise Pata Chal Jata Hai Ki
mai Gawaar Hu..?
Salsman: kyoki ki Ye Tv Nahi
This is ultimate–
Yamraj to Santa: “Tumhari koi
aakhri khwaish hai !!
Santa -”I want to see Manmohan Singh speaking to Salman Khan’s wife at Narendra Modi’s wedding.
Santa & Banta ne 1-1 Ghoda kharida.
Dono Ne Socha Ki, “Ghode ‘CHANGE’
na ho jaye, isliye koi nishani rehna
Santa ne apne Ghode ki punchh kaat
Unke mohalle ke bachche bade
shararti the, unhone Banta ke Ghode
ki bhi punchh kaat di.
Santa ne Ghode ka 1Kaan kaat diya,
toh bachchon ne Banta ke Ghode ka
bhi 1Kaan kaat diya.
Santa ne 2nd Kaan kaat diya,
bachchon ne bhi Banta ke Ghode ka
2nd Kaan kaat diya.
Santa ne apne Ghode ki 1Taang kaat
di, bachchon ne Banta ke Ghode ki
bhi 1Taang kaat di.
Santa ne 2nd Taang kaati toh
bachchon ne bhi 2nd Taang kaat
Santa ne 1Aankh fhod di, bachchon
ne bhi Banta ke Ghode ki 1Aankh
Santa ne 2nd Aankh fhodi toh
bachchon ne bhi 2nd Aankh fhod di.
Pareshan hokar Santa ne apne ghode
ke saare Daant ukhaad diye toh
bachchon ne bhi Banta ke Ghode ke
saare Daant ukhaad diye.
Anth mein haar maankar Santa-Banta
ne milkar ‘DIMAAG’ lagaya ?
Aur finally dono ne decide kiya ki….
Kaala Ghoda, Santa Ka.
Safed Ghoda Banta Ka.
Wife torture :
Wife: Zara Kitchen se Namak lete aana….!
Husband : Yahaan toh koi Namak nahi hai..!
Wife : Mujhe pata tha..! Tum toh ho hi Andhe..!
ek kam dhang se nahi ker sakte..!
Bas bahaane banaate ho..!
jindagi mey kuch to kam karo…!
Tumhe nahin milega, Isliye pehle hi le aayi thi..!